Friday, May 22, 2015

RIP Dan // Memories and Pictures

Hey guys!

So, this post is going to be a lot different from any post I've ever written, and a lot harder too - I still can't get my head around it, and my thoughts are all over the place, but I just wanted somewhere to write this all down and say what I wanted to say. If you don't want to read it, please click off now, as it'll probably be kinda emotional and everything, but I just wanted to say some things.

Last weekend, one of my best friends told me that my ex boyfriend, Dan, had died from kidney failure - he was only 25 years old. I knew he has kidney failure, as we were still together when he first got diagnosed, and I used to go and visit him in hospital a lot, but the last I heard about 6 months back, he was doing okay and everything was under control. Needless to say, even though I had been there when the doctors predicted he wouldn't live much past 25 unless he got a transplant, I never for a second actually thought that he would actually die that young. No one deserves to die so young.

We may have got together pretty quickly, but I never felt like we were going too fast. We met at a festival in Kent, and we spent pretty much the whole day together watching bands, eating sweet and sour chicken, chatting to bands and each other, and generally just getting to know each other a bit better. I hadn't originally planned to stay at the festival, as I only had a day ticket, but me and the friends I went with ended up crashing at the festival that night. The next day, before we left, he asked if I wanted to meet up in London before he had to get his coach back to Nottingham, and I agreed, so I went home and got ready before heading back out to London to meet him. We got along so well, just hanging around in London and wandering around aimlessly, and before he left he asked me out. Below is the first picture we ever took together, and to this day is one of my favourite pictures ever.

We used to talk every day, whether it was on MSN, texting on something like Facebook or emails, and we used to talk on the phone a lot too. After a while, he invited me to stay with him in Nottingham for a week or so, and I couldn't wait - I was staying with family just before, and they drove me to the station to meet him, and we went to his. I have so many memories of that time - he used to work night shifts, so I used to stay awake all night waiting for him to get back (he used to leave his iPod with me, and I had mine, so we used to alternate listening to one iPod and charging the other so we always had music playing) and when he got back he'd usually bring me breakfast and then we'd go to sleep for a while to make up for being awake all night. We used to walk to Asda and buy a load of stuff we probably didn't even need. He asked me to bleach and dye his hair for him while I was there, as he wanted a green fringe, so we got all the stuff we needed and on a whim, I decided to use the leftover bleach on my hair (I was sandy blonde at the time) and ended up with platinum blonde hair with bright pink bits, and he had black hair with a greeny blue fringe. We stole the kettle from his communal kitchen once for a few days, as we used to drink a lot of tea and coffee in his room (which was massive) and we used to go down when no one else was around and cook - one time, we got some bacon,  but it looked really gross when we were cooking it. We also used to go to the McDonald's near him a lot and get free hot chocolate - he worked there - and use their wifi on our iPods for a while, before going for walks near the river.
While I was in Nottingham, I also met some of his family for the first time, which was nice even though I was terrified - I was so nervous that I was going to make a bad impression, but I don't think I did, luckily! Below are some of my favourite pictures from this time.


After we'd been together for a while, we kept joking around about getting engaged - eventually, the joking became reality, and when we were in Brighton one day, he proposed - of course I said yes! He gave me a temporary ring at first, as he wanted us to choose one together, and I'm glad we did because I loved the ring we chose - in fact, I still have it somewhere now. The only pictures I can find of my ring are of both of us, but also from when he had an eye infection, so the one below is pretty much the only one I can find where it's just me showing it.
So, all in all, we were really happy throughout the relationship - of course, we had our arguments and ups and downs, like in all relationships, but we made sure to never go to bed on an argument, for which I will always be thankful. We were together for nearly three years overall, which I never thought I could do, and I will always cherish the memories I have of and with him. I was really happy when I was with him, even when we were just at a gig together, or hanging out at one of our houses, and he always managed to cheer me up when I was feeling down.
I'm trying not to think about the things I regret too much - I feel a bit like I'm drowning when the sad thoughts and regrets take over my mind - and instead I'm concentrating on the good, which is why I wanted to write this post - I wanted to make a post where I could write down some of the amazing memories, so I can look back on it and remember everything <3
Of course, this post is only a small portion of the good memories - the rest will forever live on in my mind and my heart. All our little private jokes, all the cute things we used to do for each other, the cute texts and emails we used to send, the secret pictures we used to take when the other one wasn't looking and just everything - I'll never forget you.

Rest in peace, Dan - I hope you know that I never hated you, ever, and that a part of me will always love you. I hope you're finally at peace and not in pain now. 

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Top 10 // Places I Want To Visit!

Hey guys!
I'm going to try to get back into a better blogging schedule again, as lately I've obviously been pretty bad at it! Hopefully I'll be starting back with one post a week, and hopefully will build it up soon to more.
I've had a pretty stressful week this week, with various small not-so good things all building up and causing me to become really stressed out. I won't go into too much detail about anything that happened, as it's long and boring, but even going to my usual happy place didn't help to destress me - neither did any of the methods I'd usually try, like having a nice hot bubble bath before bed, or having something lavender scented under my pillow to help me sleep.
One night, when I couldn't sleep, I was browsing the internet for cute cat pictures and happy things (part of my happy method, which usually works) and on one site, I saw an advert for an airline, with a beautiful picture of a beach in the background. As you probably know if you read my blogs on here, I went on holiday to France last year, and it was my first holiday abroad in years, and since then, I've been desperately wanting to go back on holiday.
I can't quite afford a holiday yet - although I'm really hoping to be able to go away again before the end of this year - but I decided that it was time to write a list of possible holiday destinations (mainly the places I really want to go the most and have wanted to for years) and went to look for pictures of these places while I compiled my top 10 places I want to visit before I die list! (I should probably think of a better and shorter name for that list eventually...)

1 - Paris
This has been the top of my list for literally years now, and I still haven't got my act together and made it here yet! Fingers crossed it'll happen soon, as there's so many things I'd love to do if I went and it'd be one of the best, most memorable trips ever! Of course, I want to go to more places in France as well, but Paris has been the top of my list for as long as I can remember!

2 - America
I can't decide exactly where in America I'd like to go yet (although I have family in Miami) but I'd love to go on a road trip - or several - and just experience as much of it as I could. New York would definitely be on the list though, and of course Miami.

3 - Japan. 
I love so many things about the Japanese culture, plus it looks like a beautiful place to visit. There's so many amazing, unique sounding things to do there, and fabulous sounding places to explore - plus, I would probably go a little bit mad shopping there! 

4 - China. 
I actually have some Chinese relatives, so I'd love to visit China and learn a bit more about everything, as well as explore a lot! I'd love to see the terracotta warriors and the Great Wall, as well as a lot of other things!

5 - Spain
I've actually been to Menorca a few times when I was little, and loved it, but I obviously only have hazy memories of it now, so I'd like to go back and see some more places as well as hopefully returning to Menorca. I remember at one restaurant, the waiter used to give me and my brother free ice cream lollies shaped like bones - I have no idea why, haha!

6 - Australia. 
This looks like a beautiful place to explore, and I'd love to learn how to surf and stuff if I do ever go. The only thing that puts me off is the spiders - I hate those anyway, so going somewhere with massive spiders and poisonous spiders puts me off a bit.

7 - Greece. 
My parents are always talking about how much they love Greece, and my dad in particular is very keen to take us there one day, so hopefully one day I'll be able to cross this off my list. Plus, I adore Greek food when it's done properly, so I will literally be in food heaven, haha!

8 - Sweden
My brother used to go here a lot and come back with loads of gorgeous pictures of the scenery and everything, and it's such a beautiful place that I'd love to go myself and explore it. 

9 - Egypt
This looks like a fab place to visit, plus I've always wanted to go and see the pyramids and see the river Nile! It looks like a lovely country.

10 - Italy
There's so many places in Italy I'd love to see, and many experiences I'd like to have! Plus I've always wanted to learn Italian, I did it for a bit at school but have forgotten pretty much everything! 

So there you have it, my list of places I'd love to visit and will hopefully get the chance to one day - there's also a LOT more places I want to visit, not just these, but I had to try and narrow it down a bit for this list!
Have you been to any of the places I mentioned, or want to go to them too? Let me know!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Motivational Meltdowns!

Hey guys!
I'm sure we all have those days where you wake up feeling drained and have literally no motivation at all to do anything, other than curl up on the sofa with a blanket and watch trashy TV shows/play games/read a book/nap all day.

I woke up the other day and knew instantly it was one of those days for me - I woke up later than I wanted to, in a bad mood and with a pile of things I needed to do, and just didn't want to do anything at all because I simply wasn't feeling it at all. I barely even wanted to get out of bed because I was annoyed at myself for waking up later than I planned, on top of being annoyed that I'd had a terrible night's sleep (I find it hard to sleep a lot of the time, I'm very restless lately) and everything just felt like a chore - even making a cup of tea, which is what I usually do when I wake up, felt like it was taking longer than usual and felt like it was using more effort too.

Lately, I've started going for walks in the morning, too - sometimes it's just a quick ten minute walk around a field (I live really close to a field, haha, so it's nice and easy for me) and sometimes I take my iPod and listen to music while I take a leisurely stroll for at least half an hour or so. That day, however, I didn't want to even get dressed, let alone go for a walk. Somehow, I managed to eventually muster the energy to get myself ready and go out, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, and afterwards I felt even more tired, but was happy that I'd pushed myself to do it, even though I was in a horrible mood with zero motivation.
After that, I actually managed to get rid of my bad mood enough to get everything done that I had planned for that day, and even recovered enough to cook dinner for everyone! The sense of accomplishment I felt after forcing myself to stick to my routine (even if I was running behind with everything) managed to shake my mood and give me enough motivation back to complete the tasks I'd set for myself.

The thing is, if you stick to goals you set yourself - even if it's something small like going for a walk every day, making sure you drink enough water in a day, smiling at someone when you're on your way to work even if you're in a bad mood - it makes you feel a sense of accomplishment when you complete them, and it will lift your mood and make you feel amazing, even if at the time you feel like you're doing it wrong, or that it's pointless to even do it.

A good way to motivate yourself is to promise yourself a treat - for example, "If I go for a 15 minute walk today, I'll reward myself by having a long bubble bath" or "If I get all this paperwork done today, I'll watch the new episode of *insert your favourite TV show here* tonight". I do things like this a lot, and it does really help! For example, I promised myself that if I went for the walk and got everything else done, I'd buy myself some frozen yogurt as a reward - last time I had a day like this, I promised myself I'd do a day of pampering over the weekend, and I did!

What do you do on days when you're lacking motivation and feeling drained?